To Cocoa Beach Officers G. Ogden and L. Keene, Under Cover Employee H. Koons, DEA Agent Wheeler:
I know you have my RECORD BOOK. Your report concerning someone stealing items from
my apartment states, "WHICH HE ALWAYS LEFT OPEN!", a false, exculpatory statement
comparing my apartment to the Southern Border and justifying trespassing by anyone.
The capitalization and emphasis are yours. Might your statement have come from
the fact the suspect was an attractive female, and that you recorded spending
over an hour and a half "searching" her 600 square foot apartment with her present?
Your undercover employee confronted me with trick questions concerning topice of
no legal bearing, but which nobody without my diary would have known. You stink.
Are those your shoes? Guess what? I taped a picture of myself to yer butts.
Don't believe me? Just look and see. Didja git 'im?
(Don't fart or the tape will blow off in yer face.)
If there's something hangin' outta yer butt,
don't worry, it's only you.
cop + flow = cowflop
Which one wins?

P.S. I have sent your department two emails concerning this issue.
I have received no response from you. I visited your department, and
an officer told me no property was recovered. Saying or thinking
"We gave it back' without doing so admits you have it. Saying or
thinking "Then we get more" justifies more evil than you are worth.